Dear Anonymous…

Anony­mous,

New Year’s Day. One of the many mem­o­ries that come into my head when I see you or hear your name. I’m not entirely sure what I want to say here, but my mind’s been going back to all those mem­o­ries. I know it’s not very much to think back on, but I still imag­ine that you’re still here with me. That morn­ing, even though it was more bit­ter than sweet, I could imme­di­ately feel a sense of hap­pi­ness that I never felt when I saw you on your long board com­ing down the street. Do you remem­ber that morn­ing? I hope you do.

We’re grad­u­at­ing in less than 2 weeks, and I know that I might never see you again. I don’t know what will hap­pen to you while you’re gone, but I really wish the best for you. I know I’ve made things really dif­fi­cult and prob­a­bly frus­trat­ing for you, but I do this out of anx­i­ety. I’m sorry that I made things so hard on you, and I don’t mean to be like this. It hurts a lot when I’m telling you this, even over a let­ter that you might never even see, but when I’m say­ing these words, at least know that I’m being hon­est with you. I don’t think I’ve ever cared about some­one as much as I cared about you. I still care about you, and I want you to know that.

There are so many other things that I could say here, but none of my words are com­ing out the way I want them to. I don’t care if you don’t feel the same way, but to me, you were always that one per­son in my life that I found fun and sweet, whether I knew you well or not. I hope you still con­tinue to be that same per­son in the future; you’re too sweet to be some­one com­pletely different.

Do you know what I remem­ber about you the most? When I think of you, I think back to the Sun­day you and I went to the park the first time. I don’t remem­ber how long ago it was, but I do remem­ber it was about a week or two after New Year’s. I told you before, but I’m telling you again: when I was with you, I felt safe, relaxed, and above all, happy. You asked me if I was happy or feel­ing bet­ter when we were sit­ting together on that hill, and I said yes. I wasn’t sure where we were exactly going with it, but at the moment, I was too happy to care about any­thing else. I felt like I wanted to be there with you for­ever. Now, I know that that will never hap­pen because I know that I have to let go and move on with­out you. It still hurts think­ing about how cruel real­ity is, but I’m try­ing. You always said that you want me to be happy with or with­out you, but it’s dif­fi­cult when that phrase comes from the one per­son that I cared about more than any­thing. Of course every­thing I say in this let­ter is cheesy, but it’s what I feel and there’s no other way for me to describe it. Some­times I’m self­ish and wish that you would feel the same way, but I already knew in the begin­ning that it would never hap­pen, even if you tell me that you care about me.

Above all, with all of the things that we’ve been through, I’m just happy that I have you in my life. Although we only spent a short amount of time together, being with you made me feel so much bet­ter and you helped me find what being happy really means to me. I’ll miss you so much and I hope I’ll see you before and dur­ing col­lege life. Take care and know that there will be some­one who will always love and be there for you in the future.

Love,
Strength through Devastation

• Photo by “Aphrodite” / Used with Per­mis­sion